I have to admit that I have been cared for this summer despite all of the issues that I have gone through with Nathan or the lack of support from him because of choices that he has made, which ironically, has been kind of nice and peaceful. I can do things that I would like to do as Nathan didn't like to do things that I liked. In that respect, he is just like his dad, whom only wanted to do things that HE wanted to do and nobody else. Anyways, I have a wonderful ward that has cared for me since I explained to them that I'll be living in the ward and needed help and my friends and coworkers have been a great support as well. I have wonderful friends who have come to my rescue and have supported with with temporal and emotional areas.
I lived with Toni, PJ, Ashley and Jake (the dog) for the past 8 weeks and the day after I totally move out, the AC in their house died. It is still dead and I feel so bad because PJ is sleeping my my couch, Jake is hanging out with Kale (my dog) and Toni and Ashley are at her dads house (Ashley's) until we can all get it fixed. They have spent 2 nights at a hotel and spent Monday afternoon with me for Labor Day. They are HOPING that the AC will be fixed by Thursday because if not, it is going to be totally ugly with the management company and Toni and she is going to win.
Work is totally slow since the university has changed his matrix again and its enrolling strategies and policies. I do enjoy talking to my teachers though. They are hilarious whether they mean to be or not. I'm soooo grateful to have a job though because I'd be totally screwed if I didn't and I owe it all to Heavenly Father. He is totally looking out for me and Kale.
I still have the divorce papers. I need to look over them one more time and make sure all the "I" are dotted and all the "T" are crossed. I'm going to try to turn in the papers this week to get them out of my hands and in the hands of the courts so that way I don't have to worry about them anymore, not that I'm worrying about them anyways; I just want them turned in. The quicker the better for me because then I can move on.
I'm still planning on attending General Conference in October, going to Hawaii in November and going to OR/WA in December. I need to work extremely hard so that work will know that I mean business for work and that when I need a vacation, I need the vacation. I can't wait to see Sharon, Aunty Emily, Aunt Kelly and Uncle Paul and 7cousins, Tiffany and a couple of mission companies while in Utah. Its going to be awesome. I have to kind of wait it out and see if it is beneficial to fly or to drive myself. I won't really know until the day before I leave because I'm flying with Kenji via Continental standby. We all know how that works =D.
I think that next spring I'll go and see Kenji for a special occasion. I'll let him fill you in if you want to know more.
I have a few activities that I'll be doing this week also. I'll be fixing the ceiling/roof in my house too along with the primary presidency coming to visit on Thursday, picking up my bed and attending the Lamb of God musical on Friday, cleaning house on Saturday and having a BBQ and Swimming Party at the Phillips home Saturday night. Can't wait, it'll be fun.
Well, that is what is happening in my world right now. If anyone still cares, yes, I do still feel hurt, used and abused and I feel left alone. Do I cry? Yes, I cry. I cry on my way home from work and while I go pick up a few things from the store, yes I cry in the weirdest places. Do I feel neglected? Yes. Do I feel like nobody cares? Yes.
Did the Savior feel neglected, left alone and cry? Yes. Does he know how I feel going through this trial of my life? Heck yeah, he does. Are his arms wrapped around me? Yep and I know it. Do I pray that Nathan is fine? Yes. I hope that he is taken care of and that I hope that he realizes that his pride isn't worth what he has done and that someday, he'll catch on and that is between him and the Lord. Have I learned my lesson? Yes. Will I marry again? No. I don't need to nor do I want to. I cannot and will not take advantage of someone nor will I put myself in the place of being taken advantaged of, it isn't worth it and all it does is hurt people including the ones involved. The Saviors father loved him and allowed him to go through what he was asked to do, likewise, Heavenly Father is allowing me to go through this trial as well and his hands have been in it the entire time.
I need to get back to work. Thanks for reading. I love life...it is hilarious at times, stressful at others and glorious all in all.
Karen
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