I've been learning a lot the past few weeks about myself and what the Lord has in store for me and what he wants and needs me to do. I've been VERY selfish since my divorce and my life has revolved around Karen and Kale (the dog). I have been cursed with Dr appts and healing concepts and precepts that are making me more humble and teaching me personal growth.
I have had a lot on my mind as well about what to do with school and do I really need to do another degree and with work and if I really need to keep working hard and killing myself in the process of doing it. I have thought a lot about my health too and what the Lord is giving me to deal with. Do I date multiple people or do I stick it out with one person. Do I ask people out and do I throw myself under the buss and let people tell me NO, they don't want to go out. I think that sucks as a single person in this life. I wish that people would just go out with one another to build friendships because, how else do you get to know someone if you aren't friends.
Why is it also that when I go to the singles activities, everyone is so friendly yet nobody asks each other to dance and we dance in large groups and circles and then when I am asked to dance, he is part of the living dead, meaning he is over 60? I don't want to dance and converse with someone that is over 60. What can we possibly have in common? Retirement? 401K? Health issues---probably the closest, but really. That person probably has a son/daughter my age and grand-kids that are pretty dang close ;o)
The past few weeks have been difficult. I have been diagnosed with Iron Deficiency Anemia which needless to say is sending me to the Ironwood Arizona Cancer Center for IV forced Venefer, which is an IRON through an IV because my body should be at 70 minimum and mine is at 11 so I'm Iron deficient. It makes me fatigued, my hair falls out in huge clumps and my skin is dry and like a lizard. I can drive H2O like its going out of style and it doesn't make a difference of the dryness of my skin at all. It just forces me to pee more ;o)
I have been keeping busy with my primary church calling. I'm so scared to be there with these sweet little 4 yr old kids yet I love them and they are so sweet. There are 4 in my class and 3 seem to be ADHD. 1 I just love and hold him and cradle him every moment I get. His name is Westen Lundell and he is sooo sweet. Maggie is the youngest of the 4 kids and her language development is coming right along. Its awesome to see their growth every week.
I have also bee keeping busy with doing temple work. I have a friend, Craig Bishop doing the work for the males that I have been blessed with finding and doing the Family History for. It's been awesome to get feedback about the progress that he is doing for those males who need to have their work down to have Eternal Life or at least a chance at it. I know that in the next life, they will embrace one another.
Which reminds me, I have been trying to decide to go to Molokai, Hawaii. I want to do the Mule tour to Kalaupapa, the leprosy colony or do the hike. I have been in contact with my family there trying to see if anyone will go with me and my Aunty Emily is like, no way man, I'm not riding a mule down a mountain cliff---so she's out so I'm trying to see if cousins will go. It'll be an experience of a lifetime to go. I am mainly going to do family history. I already bought my ticket to Hawaii for August 31 to Sept 8th. I can go to Molokai anytime in the middle there.
For the month of April, I kept pretty busy. I went with Craig also to the Mesa, AZ Easter Pageant. It was fabulous. The spirit was there and they were so wonderful and I know that if I was touched, there were others that were touched as well that are not members who are now progressing toward the waters of baptism.
I started my 3rd class for the MAED/AET program this last Tuesday. This one is all about Instructional Design. Something I know NOTHING about and I'm excited to read through my classmates postings to learn just the basics of it and to do the homework. I'll be getting some feedback from a coworker, Brandi, hopefully tomorrow about the assignment that is due tomorrow. I want to make sure I'm doing it right since she finished the program last year.
Kale got a sweet haircut. He looks so good and is so stinking cute. I'll be 7 in May and I've had him for 6 of those years. Wow, how time flies.
We had stake conference on Easter Weekend and that was FABULOUS. What an awesome experience. The prior stake president was released because he is leaving to be mission president in Argentina where he served his mission, many years ago and he is sooooo excited. The new stake president rocks based on his testimony and it'll be awesome to speak with him in August when I go to renew my temple recommend. The speakers, Elder Pearson and his companion made me cry on both Saturday night and Sunday as the talks were directed to me personally. I can't remember the companions name but apparently he lives here in the East valley somewhere. Anyways, I learned that even through trials and times of pure darkness, the Lords hands are always hold me up and always there to strengthen me and take me through that trial and darkness. I learned once again, that even though I am divorced for no fault of my own, that the Lord will carry me forward and move me to someone and somewhere that I need to be and can be. I was taught once again too that we are all given trials and dark moments so that I can see the joy and peace on the other side. Sometimes we loose sight of what we have and we take the blessings for granted. I have to say that I did that and now that I've been compelled to be humbled some more, I can see that concept as straight as the nose on my face.
Prior to attending Stake Conference, I packed up Kale and a few camping necessities that I had and drop up and met Craig and his kids at his parents house. We were going camping for the night. I was invited and I jumped at the chance to go to see if I could with a guy that I barely know and 4 kids that don't know me from Adam. Granted we had met but it was at an awkward situation and I didn't think that they'd remember me or want to hang out with me. I went thinking that I would basically do the observing to see what I can do to be a benefit on the lives of these 4 sweet children. I wanted to get to know each one of them and their DAD tons better. For me, it was very helpful to see what I could do as a "step mom" and "wife" or what I can't or WON'T do because of those titles. I was pleased to see that Craig and I actually thought and said some of the same things. He being their dad and me, just being the "childless observant friend".
I really have to prayerfully consider being a step mom and at my age, that is all I'd be anyways. I have to admit that I've had to change my way of thinking and to really humble myself that this life is not meant to be easy or to run from when times get hard. I've actually watched Craig and listen to him because a better person within the last 3-4 months since we've been friends. He has really changed and has really become a better dad and person because of the trials that he has had to go through with his ex-wife. From what I can gather, he has learned that he can't take life so seriously anymore and that when things are out of his control, there isn't any reason to stress out about the situation and from what I have learned in the passed year, I'd have to agree, you just go with the flow and take the situation to the Lord and everything will work out on its own time.
Anyways, back to camp; they had dinner, we played a few games, told a few stories and wow, that family doesn't sleep at all. These kids miss their dad something terrible so they tried to stay up as late as possible and talk with him and hang out with him. Little Michael was so exhausted that he was killing himself to not sleep. The 3 older kids, Kimorah, aka, Kim, Ryan and Kevin are just kids an were fighting the sleep bug too. We didn't push them to go to bed because why bother, let them talk and play and get all the bugs out they can with dad as they spent time with him.When it comes to sleep, I fit right in. I don't need much so when I'm up, I'm up and that is that and then when I do need it, I'm out cold. Little Michael didn't sleep well at all so kept dad up most of the night and then dad was checking on the other kids and woke me up right away and then I was up for the restless for the rest of the night, then Kevin got up a little before 5 and then the whole world was awake so I was up by 6 once again with very little sleep and I still had a LONG day to go.
I remember being younger, and I won't say how many years ago, but I do remember saying that I'd prefer to not get involved with a man that has children with an ex-wife being involved. I have learned that what comes around goes around and that my choices with being involved with a man with an ex-wife has nothing to do with what type of person that I am. I am who I am today because of the choices that I've previously made and the way the Lord sees fit. I was married to someone who tried my patience and stretched me thin and I didn't even know it and now that the Lord has taken me out of that situation, I am able to see life in a totally different light. I don't look at people the same way anymore nor do I hold myself accountable for choices and things that they've done in their life. I can't change them nor do I want to. All I want to do is be with them because of the type of person that they allow me to be and that we compliment each other and they continue to be the person that they want to be. I'm not trying to change anybody nor am I trying to making to myself like that person. Blah, blah, blah. I have friends and family because of who they are and they have made choices and have progressed in this life that we are able to help one another and Heavenly Father has placed them in my life for a reason that I'll never know or that I'll know right away. Blah, blah, blah. I'm just babbling.
Anyways, I'm getting ready to make some financial changes here at home. I'm getting ready to change the cable service over to the bare minimum and have Internet only because I don't want to spend $150 on TV and Internet when I don't watch more than 10 channels. I watch A LOT of TV but not worth $150 worth. That $$ will be used for SRP (AC bill) for the summer. The AC still isn't on and its May 1st and its great. The weather has been absolutely awesome and I'm lovin' it. I don't think I'll turn it on until the end of May which would be absolutely wonderful.
I need to get to bed and its only a little after 8 but I get up at 4 and walk Kale, read scriptures and get ready for work. I've started to take the light rail to work again and I love it. I save about 13 miles a day driving if not more and I save tons more $$ because I'm not out buying stuff I don't need during lunch.
I love the Lord and I love the Easter, Spring Season where the light is brighter and appears earlier and where the Light is what the Lord is and if I focus on him, everything else will turn out as Heavenly Father has planned for me and I need to accept that.
Karen
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